No wonder they can't plow the roads, they have people getting paid for shit like this!
Usually Santa Claus giveth—today he taketh away-eth. It is with heavy heart that I announce the departure of editor Amy J. Ruiz from our news team. While I'm sure she'll regret this decision for the rest of her life, she's moving on to a pretty cool job: Amy will be joining the new Mayor Sam Adams administration as a "Strategic Planning and Sustainability Policy Advisor." I have no idea what it means either—but apparently it's a wonkalicious position where Amy will geek out over green building and neighborhood plans, and make Portland a far better place than it is now.
So congratulations to Amy! We'll miss you terribly! And as for YOU, Mayor elect Sam Adams, if you think purchasing our employees is going to stop the Mercury from dogging your every decision and step, you are horribly mistaken. In fact, our next news hire will make you wish you'd never been born—in a fair and accurate way, of course. (P.S. Hot shit reporters with excellent writing/editing skills should check out the employment ads in this Thursday's Mercury for details, and then send clips and resumes HERE.)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
FOUND THIS OVER AT THE MERCURY BLOG
Google Purchases The Earth For Record $590.6 Billion
MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (CAP) - Search engine firm, Google has agreed in principle to acquire the planet Earth for a record $590.6 billion in cash and assets. The takeover tops Google's recent deal for the web advertising network, Doubleclick for a paltry $3.1 billion.
"With the completion of our Google Earth project, we have analyzed every square mile of this beautiful planet and are poised to take Google to a whole new level," Google co-founder and president Sergey Brin said in a prepared statement. "The world at large will not be able to sneeze without Google knowing about it, and we believe that's a good thing."
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