Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Al Qaeda Releases Fall/Winter Schedule
KABUL (CAP) - The upcoming season of attacks and threats by the world's largest terrorist organization promises to pack more wallop and suspense than previous years, according to officials for al Qaeda's scheduling division. The new season kicks off with a busy marketplace bombing next Thursday evening.
"I've seen the schedule, and that premiere is nothing compared to what they have planned for later in the season," said CAP News Entertainment Editor Greta Von Cistern. "But when you're up against the likes of Grey's Anatomy and CSI, you have little choice but to come out with both guns blazing."
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Dems Get Early Start On Blame For Obama Loss
WASHINGTON (CAP) - The Democratic Party has gotten an early jump on determining who to blame for losing the upcoming presidential election, according to several top Democratic analysts.
"Typically the Democrats don't start assigning blame until several weeks before they lose the election - a month, tops," said Bob Monks, a senior analyst at New School Communications. "The fact that they're starting this early is reflective of the party's new sense of determination, albeit a losing sense."
SUNSET BOB FOR PRESIDENT!!
Monday, September 15, 2008
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Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Bush Personally Removes Every New Orleans Resident Himself
EW ORLEANS (CAP) - In an apparent attempt to shore up his fading legacy during his last few months in office, President Bush announced that he and his advisors are personally driving thousands of New Orleans residents fleeing Hurricane Gustav to his ranch in Crawford, Tex. on a fleet of custom-fitted "Bushmobusses."
"During Hurricane Katrina, a lot of people were upset, and rightfully so, when we let all those people drown, which in retrorespect was a bad idea," said Bush from behind the wheel of the lead Bushmobus, the W1. "In our defense, we did give out a heck of a lotta trailers. Except they were filled with formadleyhide, which I'm told can cause cancer.